Monday, June 21, 2004

How do you like that... I did get a response from the South Philly insurance agent where I sent my resume. I have an interview on Friday morning. My intent is to go to the hairdresser one evening this week, then go in there and I hope to GOD wow the heck out of them. I really need the stability of a permanent position, and if I can't have it at the place where I'm temping now, I have to find it elsewhere. The stress of not knowing if I'm about to have my assignment ended is starting to give me physical problems... after having a migraine from Wednesday afternoon through Friday night, I was fine all weekend and then BINGO. I came in and the pain started to quietly creep in by about 10 AM. I'm having minor symptoms of it even as I type. It's GOT to be stress-related. I can't live like this anymore. Something has to change.

What can I say but pray for me, wish me luck, send good vibes,or whatever you think will work best. I need a job that's permanent, with a salary I can live on (as opposed to the one I have right now which is just barely enough to allow me to break even) and a nice atmosphere. Heck, I'll even accept a NEUTRAL atmosphere if the other two conditions are met; I'm not picky.

I should feel happy and/or excited right now, but instead I'm just sad. I kind of think the sadness is stemming from the fact that I officially have admitted to myself that I don't think I have a shot at being considered for a permanent position at the company where I'm temping, REGARDLESS of the fact that my work has been top-notch. I think this company is great and I'm disappointed to think that I won't have a chance to work here for real, instead of just on the fringes. But I don't know how many more positions will be opening, and so far I have never gotten so much as a word of acknowledgement from the people to whom I sent resumes. (I don't count my supervisor in that category, since I handed a copy of the resume to her.) But I've reached a point where being last on everyone's list... or more precisely, not even feeling like I'm ON anybody's list... isn't enough for me anymore. I'm working on coming to terms with that fact, but in the meantime I'm making a lot of effort to land something permanent. I need the stability and I think a lot of my stress will be alleviated if I can feel, for the first time in three years, that I can know what to expect from one day to the next.

I hate feeling sad like this, though. That feeling has really been dogging me all day, and I hope it lifts soon.

No comments: