Like today, for instance. The grieving process for that spat of some months ago still rears its head now and again. It's just like a grieving process for someone who has died... you can be fine for days at a time, and then something crops up and you get another wave of it. But who has died? Is it the person I thought my friend was? Or is it the old me that had a more trusting worldview? I kind of think it's a bit of both. I miss that old me, and I don't honestly know what to do to get her back. And the person I thought I was friends with must have been a figment of my imagination, because if he was real he would never have spoken or turned on me like he did.
Which, of course, opens the door for me to question my own abilities in judging people's character and motives. It should come as no surprise that as I write, I am singularly disinclined to invite new people into my life's circle, lest I accidentally misjudge someone else and bring on another round of this sort of thing. It's not safe to let new people in until I have finally, completely, gotten it through my thick head that unless I'm perfect and never make a mistake in the other person's eyes, I am subject to rejection and banishment. That's how people are. If your 42-year friends will do that to you, what hope is there that new people will behave any better? The less emotional investment they have in you, the quicker they'll cut you loose. Best to keep interactions to "hello", "goodbye", the weather and everyone's health. Then nobody gets disappointed.
But enough depressing stuff. Let's move on to the positive. I started volunteering at the PetSmart yesterday. They have nine kitties on the site, and one is cuter than the next. I made sure they were all fed and watered, and have clean cages and litter boxes, and then embarked on giving each kitty some time outside the cage, for those who wanted it. One cat had no interest in leaving her cage, but the others were more than glad to explore and get doted upon. I also showed a few kitties to interested parties, and the cats in question were more than glad to turn on the charm. :-) But just one person filled out an application on the spot and gave it to me. I think the other two (a mom and small daughter) may have taken a blank application to fill in at home. When someone fills out an app, I then photograph both sides and email the images to the person who processes the applications. It can take a few days to get approved, depending on things like being able to contact the person's vet and obtain vet references.
I will be going every Sunday. I am hoping to get word of at least one of the kitties being adopted by the time I get back there next week. They're all so cute and they all love attention. They deserve loving homes where they can doted upon all day, every day.