Friday, May 20, 2016

Adding value

I think I've hit on the formula for who cares and who doesn't. There are, of course, certain relatives who care, regardless, fortunately. But outside of those, it seems to be the folks for whom I am doing something who take the greatest interest in my existence. If I'm not enhancing their life actively, then at best, I'm just some nice person relegated to the periphery. Or I'm just "out of sight, out of mind". Everyone not related to me is fitting into this pattern neatly and consistently. It suddenly makes sense. How did I take so long to understand something so basic?

Now that I get it, I can acclimate to it and adjust my expectations accordingly. Then I won't feel hurt or disappointed anymore.

One positive to report: this is the first time in forever that I've gone through a grieving process without ONCE pondering how and when to cash in my chips. That's more significant than I can express in words. Maybe it's that I no longer feel I'm dragging everyone down with my presence. To drag everyone down, I'd have to matter (albeit in the negative sense of the word). And... well, an electron microscope wouldn't find evidence of that whole "mattering" thing. So I guess I'm in the clear. There's no need to make everyone's life easier by applying a drastic solution, because everyone is already doing just fine without me around. It's all good, now that I understand life better. 

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