Thursday, July 05, 2012

Still working on wrapping my mind around today

I'm still wrapping my mind around the events of the day. Disappointments from yesterday will have to be set aside and dealt with some other time. If they even NEED to be dealt with, that is... it's entirely possible that the most constructive thing I can do is just let that other stuff drop. That's how I'm inclined to handle it, anyway. I need my energy to deal with much larger issues. Everything else is getting filed under "Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff."

Hospice. I am actually in favor of this step, largely because I feel like we have reached the point where it will be beneficial to have a trained person on hand for as much of the day as possible. Plus, it's not news to the family that the best thing to do is engage in palliative care. Heck, we've known *that* since the MRI results came back in April. It's not easy to accept, but we all know it's the truth. At least we don't have to deal with anybody walking around with false hopes, or acting like seeking hospice care is a form of giving up. It's not. What it IS, is doing the right thing.

Still, it's emotionally painful to realize that we are most likely looking at a short time frame, rather than a long one. Even knowing in advance that this is a fast-moving disease, it's still a little surprising that we've reached this point after only three months. Wait, I take that back -- it's not EVEN three months yet, not until later this month. Wow. Geesh, that was fast. No wonder the specialist in May said to her that she should eat whatever she likes (even though she's diabetic). Maybe he was well aware that she might as well not postpone or turn down enjoyment.

I keep consoling myself with the fact that there is no pain. Lethargy, yes; weakness, yes. But no pain. The presence of pain would make this infinitely harder to deal with.

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