Thursday, April 28, 2005

This afternoon, I went out to get some white socks for work.

It's not that I don't own white socks. It's just that compared to the brand-new white sneakers that I ALSO just got for work, none of the socks I already have quite match up in the "new-looking" category. Even the newest of the pairs I already have don't compare favorably to the bright-white new footwear.

So I figured, heck. Brand-new scrubs. Brand-new sneakers. Might as well have brand-new EVERYTHING and make a nice, fresh start, right?

With that in mind, off I went to BJ's. I found a nice parking place not far from the store entrance.

Well, I THOUGHT it was nice. Except for the silver giant-sized SUV parked with its tires ON THE DIVIDING LINE of the adjacent parking spot.

Belatedly, I realized that I didn't have the entire parking space to work with, because the mega-car was taking up part of what should have been a completely empty space. "Good thing my vehicle is so small", I thought, as I sqeezed my little car into the remaining open area as best I could. But when I opened my car door, it tapped the door of the giant SUV.

A woman in the passenger seat of said SUV went ballistic. "THIS IS A BRAND NEW CAR!!!", as she came out and made a great show of inspecting the NON-damage. I barely touched her freakin' monster-sized door (a door which is bigger than my whole car, I hasten to add). The only sign of anything on her door was the splashes of mud that came from her own driving through, well, mud. My Hot-Wheels-sized car left no mark on her mammoth one.

I bit my tongue. I actually did have to think to myself, "What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do?" to keep from responding in kind. Particularly as I forced myself to squeeeeze out of a HALF-opened car door, just to make perfectly sure that my ordinary car didn't sully the personal space of her monster truck again. You can imagine how much my back spasms, which have been acting up mightily during the past couple of weeks, really appreciated that maneuver. :oP

Anyhow, I'm thinking that Jesus would NOT have answered her back with, "You geometrically-challenged, ignorant, drama-queen harridan. If your ultra-large, gas-guzzling, Bin-Laden-enriching conspicuous-consumption behemoth hadn't been parked with its tires ON the dividing line, maybe I could have opened my door without it coming anywhere near your environmentally unfriendly, fossil-fuel-wasting ego machine. And by the way, your lawyer will be hearing from my chiropractor. I hurt my back while getting out of my car in the 6" of space you thoughtfully forgot to deprive me of".

Yeah, I'm reasonably sure that Jesus wouldn't have offered up that particular set of observations as His response. So I just kept my mouth shut and let her rant and complain her way back into her passenger seat. Then I went in the store and bought my socks.

Thank goodness, by the time I finished my purchase, Ms. Bucketmouth and her giant car were gone. I wasn't looking forward to getting back INTO my car using the same miniscule amount of space as I'd had available to me when I got out.

Anyhow, I just needed to vent about that. Nasty people are annoying.

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