A sign from above

Yesterday, Baxter passed away.

This morning, I had a Facebook memory of his picture, showing him smiling in his sleep.

I do not think it's a coincidence.,

Sad PUPdate

Things started out good this morning. The vet sent me some pics of Baxter looking alert last night, and I was happy to see them when I woke up this morning and checked my email.

His numbers had improved a little, too, and the vet was all set to update me this morning with good things.

But then his blood pressure crashed. They had to move him to the intensive care unit to get him stable. It took a lot of effort to get him stable, but he was no longer alert.

At this point, I knew there was really only one option. The treatments all week barely budged his liver and kidney numbers and they were still pretty bad. He was diagnosed with severe cardiac issues from having leaky heart valves in all four chambers. And the little momentary "zone out" moments that I had noticed a while ago, but thought nothing of because they were so brief, were diagnosed as seizures, to my great surprise. Unfortunately, in a dog his age, the most likely cause would be a mass in the brain.

Even with all this, if there was any chance of achieving quality of life, I would have been interested in hearing about it. But now we are talking about his blood pressure being ready to bottom out without warning. No. I can't subject him to that, too. It took a team of ICU vets in the best animal hospital in the region to straighten his BP out this morning. Suppose by some huge miracle he had come home, and it happened here? I don't have the equipment or the training to bring him back from an episode like that. He'd be gone on the spot.

I had to recognize that all these thing point to just one answer. It was not the answer I wanted, but I have to be honest with myself.
We were at the point where prolonging his life would have meant suffering, not recovery, and under no circumstances would I let him suffer. Mark and I drove up to the animal hospital to be with Baxter while he had the Final Act of Mercy.

We are grieving, but we know that it was the only real option.

Blast all these ailments that impact our innocent little furbabies. All they ever do is love us unconditionally.

Baxter was brought in to a local rescue as a stray in 2013, and the vet there estimated him to be six years old. We never knew his birthdate, so we marked his Gotcha Day as his birthday. We treated him like he was 12 and would be 13 in the Fall on the anniversary of when we got him.
They let both Mark and me in the room with him, and he sat getting cuddles on my lap the whole time. My lap was his favorite place, and cuddles were his favorite thing. I told him over and over how I will love him forever and ever.

Morning PUPdate

I am glad to report that Baxter is more alert and aware today than yesterday (and he had improved yesterday, as well, being better in the evening than in the morning). We need his bloodworks back to see if his numbers are also improving.

I asked the vet about traveling to the shore with him, as we do every year, or if I would have to find a medical boarding solution. She said that if he improves enough to go home, she can't see why we couldn't have him at the shore with us. So that's a good thing. I mean, it's only a drive to the NJ shore; it's not like we have to take a plane there or drive for days to reach the place.

So now, we wait for the numbers to tell the tale of what is going on. Keep praying.

PUPdate

Here is the latest on Baxter, as of this morning.

To recap, Baxter is 12 years old, with known kidney issues, for which he has been doing well on a special kidney-diet dog food.

On Saturday, he started losing his appetite and showing signs of nausea and soft bowel movements. This continued through Sunday. His appetite stayed down, to the point where we were handfeeding him on Sunday and Monday. I have some over-the-counter meds for upset tummy and gave it to Baxter, but the symptoms didn't abate.

We brought him to University of Penn's emergency vet yesterday, because I know they can do labs and get answers back right away. When you go to a regular vet, it can take a couple days for the bloodwork numbers to return, and I didn't think that was a good idea with his history of funky kidney numbers. The hospital admitted him for testing and supportive care.

I just got a Baxter update:

Kidney and liver numbers are off. He also has a heart murmur (which we knew), but he will have an echocardiogram to see just how much treatment he can tolerate for the kidneys without causing heart failure.

The liver numbers were unexpected. They are also giving antibiotics just in case there is an infection hitting both kidneys and liver, even though there is not anything pointing strongly toward infection.

The trouble with the heart/kidney issue combo is that the treatment for one is bad for the other. So it's a waiting game until we establish just what is the cause of the symptoms, and just how to handle both situations without causing a crisis.

And if all the worst answers come back and palliation is not an option, they will allow me to be there with him. I made sure of that.

But right now, we are just looking at finding a source of the symptoms, so we can figure out if there are any treatment options and what they are, and getting him feeling better in the meantime.

Everybody at the hospital loves him. They're all making a point of telling him how sweet and handsome he is. So I know they are taking care of that aspect of his needs, as well.

The cats are walking around calling for him. They were too busy playing last night, but now they are certain that their brother isn't here. They love their doggie brother.

I am worried about my little munchkin. I know when our furbabies age, we have to face the fact that they aren't going to be with us forever, but I am hoping we will be able to have him with us a while longer. I love that little bitty guy.

The vet will call later with another update.

Baxter and the vet, Part 2

Baxter's appetite waned away to nothing during the weekend. By yesterday, he barely ate anything, but was queasy anyway. I spent the night sitting with him on the sofa. Neither of us got a restful night's sleep, and he had a couple moments of puking a little liquid.

Obviously, this is neither normal nor normal-adjacent. I will be calling the emergency vet about bringing him in today. Right now, he is resting comfortably in a normal-looking nap. If you didn't know he's been unwell, you wouldn't guess from looking at him. He has been walking around like it's no big deal, but the only food he's had today was some yogurt I hand-fed him under protest (which he did keep down).

I want bloodwork numbers and I want them NOW. He has been on kidney food for a year, and his kidney numbers last year were deemed "watch them, but not a crisis" because they were a bit off. (Hence, the k/d food.) I have some concerns that the symptoms are related to his kidneys taking a turn.

Say some prayers that whatever the vet has to say will involve a viable treatment or reasonable palliation of symptoms. I love my little pup and I want as much quality time as we can achieve. 💓🙏

Baxter at the vet

We had an appointment at the vet yesterday. Baxter needed a little once-over by some trained eyes.

The verdict: his luxating patellas (wonky kneecaps) are a little worse now than last year. This is not uncommon in older dogs. We were getting concerned because at times, his gait is affected such that his front half walks fine, and his rear half looks drunk. No evidence of pain and no incontinence; just intermittent issues with rear leg weakness and some challenges navigating on stairs.

Solution: glucosamine-chondroitin supplements.

There is also a skin tag that we are keeping en eye on, a little thinning of fur on top of his tail (he sits on his tail), and some eye irritation.

Solution: the first two are no biggie, and he appears to have "allergy eyes", so I have to give him some ointment twice daily for the next few days.

I am relieved that all these minor things are, in fact, minor things. But when your pup is 12, going on 13, you want to keep an eye on all these little things lest they turn into a big thing.

He was a Very Good Boy for his exam. And he was so keyed up from the experience (not)  that as he sat in my lap in the car (with Mark driving), he fell asleep with his head on my purse and was snoring before we had exited the parking lot, lol. My mellow munchkin pup.

This morning, I put the ointment in his allergy-eyes for the first time, NO reaction whatsoever. Thank God I can do pretty much anything and he tolerates it. A lot of dogs would go through the ceiling if you were doing things anywhere near their eyes. 

I ordered him a ramp for the sofa last week, but between the Rona and the demonstrations, it hasn't arrived yet. My tiny little old man. ❤️ 🐶