Dear Joan,

I can't believe that it's ten years ago today that you're gone. It feels more like it happened just a little while ago.

I miss you. I guess you already knew that. But I wouldn't wish you back into that suffering body that was so sick for so many years, a body that was wholly unworthy of the task of housing such a good person's spirit for so long. I'm not sorry to know you're free of dialysis, itching, angina, carpal tunnel syndrome, and the 1,001 million dietary restrictions that accompanied being both a kidney patient and a heart patient. It used to kill me to see you suffering with so many symptoms, and to see the couple of dozen or so different prescription bottles carefully arranged on the counter top, and to think, "Shouldn't a person who's taking all these meds, and following doctors' orders religously, feel better than this?"

And the depression. I bear that cross, too, you know. I have fought that demon for years, which you DID know, but even you never saw me in the kind of pain I've had at times since the downsizing. And every time I want to just give up, I hear your voice telling Joe and Joey D and me, "Even though I felt sick, I FORCED myself" to do whatever task it was. And I keep going. I remember how you never gave up, and I force myself. And GOOD GOD, I confess that I never grasped the meaning of those words to the extent that I understand them now. I thought I knew, but I had no idea. Still, you stood tall for years. If you could, I can.

Joe and Joey D and you and I... we were a bunch, weren't we? Other friends were in the mix, too: Karla and Betty and John R. and Bob, to name a few, but we four were a close-knit bunch. I miss all those Saturday nights we used to go visit you. I miss the lunches at Strawbridge and Clothier's, the *real* one before the store changed hands and changed business models, back when it was still the last family-owned department store in America. I wouldn't trade those times for anything.

By the way, I'm SO happy that I met Mark while you were still with us. I'm so glad you got to meet him, too. Especially since you left us only a few months after that. We missed you at my wedding. Well, I'm sure you were there, but you know what I mean.

Ten years. I still am having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that so much time has passed. Ten years since the people from choir and the prayer group attended your wake and, not having a clue who your blood relatives were, lined up and paid their respects to Joey, Joey D, and me. Ten years since Karla overheard someone from prayer meeting observe, during the wake, "THOSE were her children", meaning the Joes and me. Ten years since the Mass when I saw your choir robe on display in the loft, and burst into tears on the spot. Ten years since the blood relatives showed that they understood enough to let us friends be the ones who rode in the funeral-home-provided limo.

But also ten years of knowing that you've got no more dialysis, no more angina, no more bone pain, no more itching, no more nitroglycerine-induced headaches, and no more need to utter the phrase, "I forced myself" ever again. And you deserve that peace. I wouldn't dream of denying it to you for a moment.

So please say hello for us to the choir members and prayer group members who've since gone up there to join you. Give skritches to Misty, Melody, Harmony, Fazzolette, and Bogey for us, too. All of them can see you now as we never saw you on earth -- healthy and strong. Say some prayers for us, too, please -- I'm sure you remember well what a challenge it can be to get by, down here. But we're doing our best.

Till we meet again,

Donna

Well, I'm home! To explain the somewhat cryptic posts that got sent earlier today from my cell phone: the Phantoms just had an 11:05AM matinee game vs. the Manitoba Moose (the farm team for the Vancouver Canucks).

Maxime Ouellet, who was a centerpiece of a blog post I made two years ago, was recently traded to the Vancouver Canucks and assigned to the Manitoba Moose. Today's game was the first opportunity I've had to see him play in person since the night I wrote the above-mentioned post.

To make a long story VERY short, Max has had a rough go of it so far this season. He was originally supposed to be promoted to the Washington Capitals as their backup goalie. But instead, he wound up sent to Washington's farm team, which is currently the Hershey Bears. The Bears already had two goaltenders, and they gave him a grand total of ONE start between October and now. They weren't even bringing him with them on road trips to Philly, which really got my goat because Max still has fans here, including me, who would really have liked to see him.

Anyway, Max got traded last weekend to the Vancouver organization. They promptly sent him to the Moose, who immediately gave him the start in their next game -- and he not only won, but earned the #1 star. :o) *That's* the Max we know and love!

I was praying that Max would get the start today, too, when the Moose came to Philly. And bless their coach's heart, he DID give Max the nod! I just hope that the others who still follow Max were able to get the day off work and attend this game.

It was another nervous-breakdown game for me, as no matter WHICH team scored, it gave me a pang of regret for the goaltender. (In the Phantoms' case, that would be our baby goalie, Martin Houle.) I wasn't quite as bad of a mess today as I was the last time I watched the Phantoms play against Max... THAT night, I thought I was gonna need CPR at any moment. ;o) The long and short of it is that the Moose won 3-1, and Max was the #3 star. For a guy who'd only started one game all season prior to this week, and that was back in October, he's sure off to a heck of a start with his new team!

I feel like I have a split personality after games like this. I hate to see the Phantoms lose. But I can't root against Max, so even though the Phantoms-fan part of me was disappointed for our boys, the Max fan part of me was happy for HIM. It's disorienting to have perfectly good reasons to feel both happy AND sad over the same game results.

But I'll tell you what. I have an extra reason to tack on to the "Why I feel happy" list. I went around back after the game to the visiting team's bus ramp. I had with me a greeting card that I picked up while Max was still in Hershey. It's an encouraging card, which I suspected he'd benefit from receiving while he was waiting for some ice time. But once I had it, something told me to hold off on sending it. That "something" was right, because today I got to hand it to him in person. :o) He's resumed playing and has had a couple great games, but I hope he bears the card's message in mind no matter what, because who knows what kinds of ups and downs this season will have in store? (I hope it's lots of ups, and few or no downs, but life doesn't always cooperate with me regarding wishes like that.)

OK, actually, I have TWO additions to the "Why I feel happy" list. The other one is that Max recognized me on sight, which impressed me plenty because the last time we saw one another face-to-face was November 2003. And smiled and offered a hug. :o) Anybody wonder why I dote on this kid? Not only has he got genuine talent, he's a genuinely nice human being.

Long story short less long: I saw a particular favorite player have a great game, got greeted BY him after the game (God bless his good memory), gave him a card, and got a promise out of him that he'd keep believing in himself no matter what. :o) Now that's what I call a productive day! I'd love nothing better than to have a bunch more days just like it! (Preferably with teams other than the Phantoms being on the wrong end of the score, that is.)

Maxime Ouellet, finally playing in Philly again.

Max is starting!

Max is starting!

Purrs, all! Captain and Stanley here.

We're 20 months old, but at this time last year we didn't have our Meowmy and Paw yet. That didn't happen until a month after Christmas. So even though we were born over a year ago, this is really our furrst Christmas in our OneTrueHome and we have questions.

First Meowmy tells us that if we're good, Sandy Claws will bring us toys on Christmas Eve. That's great news, because we love toys!

But then Meowmy and Paw spent this afternoon putting up a great big green toy rack full of branches, and hanging all kinds of pretty little toys from the branches. We never saw stuff like this before. We figured that we were SO good, Sandy Claws must sent our gifts a few weeks early.

So of course, we keep trying to check out the new toy rack and play with all the little toys. But Meowmy and Paw keep saying, "No" and chasing us from the toy rack every time.

What is this? Some kind of TEST? Is Sandy Claws trying to make us PROVE how good we are before we can actually HAVE our toys on Christmas Eve? Boy, no wonder hoomin kittens can't wait for Christmas Eve to arrive! And they don't even HAVE their new toys sitting there in front of them, that they're not allowed to play with!

So, what's up with this? Any ideas? We're all ears.

Purrs,

Captain and Stanley

Now all we need are stockings that say "Mark" and "Donna".

I've been on the wrong end of spitework, and I've witnessed spitework in other people's situations, where the person doing the backstabbing had something to gain from their target's misfortune. It's wrong, but at least I can trace the warped logic pattern that led up to one person undermining another person.

What I can't understand is someone who has NOTHING to gain, personally, monetarily, professionally, politically, etc, from hurting another person, who goes ahead and does it anyway.

There's one particular doctor in the practice where I work who is going out of her way to make problems for me. I can't imagine why. There's nothing she stands to gain from abusing the office staff.

She's a $*&%ing DOCTOR. People trust her with their HEALTH. That's not enough of a power trip for her? She has to kick people who are on lower rungs of the workplace ladder for what reason exactly?

Her patients swear by her. Right now, I want to swear AT her. I won't see her for several days, by which time I'll have calmed down, I'm sure. But today was the day that I found out, categorically, that her behavior toward me is more than just her regular dour demeanor that she treats everyone to when she's got her bloomers in a bunch. It's not my imagination. I feel sick.

BWAHAHA!!! My new favorite ad! :)

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Some months ago, I wrote about how Captain demonstrated that he wanted
me to follow him so clearly, that he couldn't have made it more obvious
if he'd watched a marathon of Lassie reruns.

This morning, it was Stanley's turn to impersonate Lassie.

As I ate my breakfast, Stanley meowed at me, which is a rarity for him,
and stood tall enough to brace his front paws on my lap. He has an
unusual meow, probably because it's so rare that he uses it. He sounds
more like he's squeaking, "Aow!"

Just the fact that he'd used his voice to produce more than his usual
faint peep got my attention, for sure. If that hadn't been enough to
attract my notice, however, his next behavior did. Normally, he follows
things like putting his front paws in Mark's or my lap by hopping INTO
said lap so he can receive the attention that is his due. This is
generally followed by his purring his little stripedy head off. Stanley
LOOOOVES attention.

But instead of jumping into my lap, when I reached out to give him a
pat, Stanley moved *away* from my hand. He edged just out of reach, sat
down, and looked up at me.

I was perplexed. "What's gotten into the cat? That's REALLY out of
character for him!", I thought. But since all he did was sit nearby and
look at me, I finished my breakfast without getting up. I figured that
if he was ducking being petted, that he'd only move out of reach if I
got up to approach him.

Then it was time for me to go upstairs and get ready for work. And when
I did so, Stanley followed me enthusiastically. This is normal... he
can't get attention if he's all by his fuzzy self on the first floor,
and his Meowmy's upstairs.

When I reached the second floor, I noticed that the door to the
computer room was closed. Stanley sat down in front of the door and
pointedly focused intently on it. I thought, "I didn't close that door
when I was in the room last. And Mark rarely, if ever, closes that door
either. Hmmm... how'd that happen?"

That's when it dawned on me that Captain and Stanley like to use that
door to play "Swat My Brother". They can fit their paws under the door,
so they sit on opposite sides of the door and bat vigorously at one
another. Occasionally, they get a little bit too enthused while playing
the game, and the cat behind the door will wind up pushing at the door
so hard that it closes. But until now, they've only shut the door on
themselves when Mark or I were actually IN the computer room, so we
could reopen the door right away.

I had a feeling that Stanley's interest was not so much in the closed
door, but in the fact that Captain was shut in the computer room. I
opened the door. Captain's orange-and-white face peered up at me from
inside the room. "Meep?"

"Get outta there, you insane furball!", I exclaimed, as Captain
strolled nonchalantly out of the computer room. Sheesh. Cats. As if
getting ready for work and getting out the door on time wasn't
challenging enough without feline help. ;o) It's a good thing that
Stanley called my attention to the door, though, or I'd have wound up
looking all over the house to find Captain. Gosh only knows what time
I'd have gotten out the door if I'd had to play "Search for the Cat" first.

__________________________________________________
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LOL!!!

I just had to call a patient's home number. Nothing's unusual about
that. I got their answering machine. That's also within the bounds of
"normal" (such as it is around here).

What's NOT usual was the language that the answering machine greeting
was in.

Canine.

The *entire* answering machine greeting consisted of the patient's dog
barking.

I called the number again, to make sure that I'd dialled correctly.
Same machine. Same dog barking.

I called the patient's work number. I hate to do that when I'm not
assured that I'll be contacting the patient directly... if I get a
receptionist, I'm limited in what I can say in order to protect the
patient's privacy, but some places won't transfer the call unless you
ID yourself and provide the reason for the call. I confirmed the date
and time of the patient's upcoming appointment, then asked, "Is that
your dog on your answering machine?"

Yes, it is. "Just checking. That's a cute idea!"

After I hung up, I burst out laughing. :o) Too funny!

Hmm. I wonder if I can get Captain and Stanley to purr a greeting for
OUR voice mail? ;o)

__________________________________
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Hey, all. I'm still breathing. Sorry for the lonnnng delay in
updating... this email I sent to Mark yesterday should give you an idea
of why. All identifying names have been removed to protect the insane.
Um, I mean the innocent. ;o)
----
Subj: AAAAAAAAAAAA!

What a day. An appt we were never asked to make never got made (what a
surprise) and somehow that's the other PSR's (Patient Services Rep's)
and my fault. Same dr had an illegible consult request that neither the
other PSR, our manager, one of our other doctors, nor I could read. So
we called the dr who wrote it and she got mad that we couldn't
understand it.

A patient came in and we had to request some blood test results from
[independent lab facility], who said they'd fax them to us.

Did they fax them to YOU? That's how they faxed them to US. We're still
waiting. Yet another dr is steamed over *that*. It's not our fault if
those doo-doo-heads haven't sent the doggone results yet.

Oh, and the freaking [pager company]'s system is taking many, many
minutes to send pages. Guess whose fault it is that the doctors didn't
receive their pages promptly? The other PSR's and mine. Even though
*WE* sent the pages right away, and it took eons to actually arrive and
activate the doctor's pager, we're at fault.

Good thing I've gone decaffeinated except for the first cup of coffee
in the AM. If I were caffeinated on top of all this stress, I'd be
going through the ceiling right now.

__________________________________
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OH. MY. GOSH. One of our doctors brought back candy from Turkey
yesterday. They're called "Turkish Delight" and they're like
cube-shaped, soft gumdrops covered in powdered sugar.

This particular box was "mixed" flavors. One flavor was orange (the
color and the fruit). A second one, which was yellow, might have been
date-flavored, judging from the pic on the box itself but I never got
around to eating one.

The other one was pink. I couldn't ID the flavor of it, but it was very
interesting. Then someone else ate one and made the connection: "Rose!"

Rose? Rose-flavored candy?

I looked at the box. Son of a gun, the pic on the box showed a dish of
rose petals...! Even though I've had rosewater in restaurants, and had
tea made with rose petals, it never crossed my mind that there'd be
CANDY out there made with it. And I really, REALLY like it.

I looked up "Turkish Delight" online. Sure enough, it's possible to
order it online, in various flavors. I found one box that appears to be
half lemon and half rose flavored candies. I think I'll be treating
myself one of these days. SOON. :o)

__________________________________
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The NHLis back! At long last!

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Hockey is baaaack! The Phantoms warm up before their preseason game. :o)

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Meet my new favorite toy, the LIVE WEBCAM at LänsiAuto Areena (yes, that's spelled right). That's the home of the Espoo Blues, where Neil Little is playing this season, and thanks to this webcam, I can actually see glimpses of home games. So far, the Blues are 3-0 during games when I've had the chance to take a peek at the action via the webcam. They lost their first home game via a shootout, but that was before I discovered the webcam.

My study of Finnish is coming along, though way more slowly than I'd like. Actually, what I'd *really* like is to be instantly fluent, and that's not realistic. But even so, it's turning out to be a LOT more time-consuming than I'd expected to have to look up nearly every freaking word in news articles, and that slows down comprehension. Using the textbook gives a more structured approach to learning the language, but since there are no hockey-related words in there, it's not helping me learn the vocabulary that I'm placing the highest priority on. It IS helping with the grammar and numbers, though -- both are hugely important, obviously. But the challenge in tracking down the vocabulary words I REALLY want is driving me crazy.

I found one huge time-saver this week, thanks to the Finland forum on hfboards.com (a hockey discussion site). They posted an online dictionary that I can use to copy and paste the words from online articles. Bingo -- instead of paging through a dictionary, I get an instant answer regarding what the word is, or what it most likely is (since dictionaries show root words, minus suffixes and prefixes). That's a huge help in maintaining my train of thought between the beginning and the end of a sentence. Now, reading the online articles goes more smoothly, though it's still slow and tedious compared to being able to just READ it.

He's gotten off to an OUTSTANDING start over there... his goals-against average is 1.27 (extremely low = very good) and his save percentage is 95.38 (extremely high = very good). He's played in all 7 games that the team has had so far. Other starting goaltenders on other teams have played a comparable amount of time, so his position close to the top of the goalie standings is well-earned. (The only guy ahead of Neil has played in only two games. That's not entirely comparable, IMO, to the stats of someone who's played more than three times as many minutes and earned similar stats.)

I've tried to send some game pics, taken by me via the webcam, to blogger via email, but I got error messages. I'll have to set up some other method of getting those game pics on here. I'll figure something out. :o)

We went to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire. Here's a shot via the camera phone, taken prior to the joust.

Blogger.com has an interesting feature, where you can set up your blog to accept text or picture messages from your cell phone. That's how I sent the shots taken from the Prayer on the Parkway a few days ago, and this shot of the joust area.

I love the RenFaire. This is the second year in a row that we've gone. Last year, it was just Joe M., Betty, Mark, and I. This year, Betty couldn't come, but we added Karla, Al, John R. and Ann Marie. Great food, interesting performances, BEAUTIFUL setting (Mount Hope, PA). I think we're going to end up attending this at least every other year, which is fine by me.

Prayer on the Parkway procession